By Kathy Bryan
Sometimes how to start an article is the hardest part: how to tie all the things that need to be said into some kind of coherent, readable article. I have started this article at least ten times, in long hand, yes, even in fountain pen (that’s how old I am!), but as I have given up on all those attempts I am typing, conscious of the deadline but also that I am still not sure how this article is going to finish.
Initially, a couple of weeks ago, I was going to muse about why we read, how we read, and how what we need from a book changes as we change. But I have parked that for another month (you’ve been warned!). This article will be in two parts, two very different parts. The first introduces next month’s title and the second will give a review of the books the book club has read to date.
Next month’s book
White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo
I introduced the poll saying, “We have all been affected by what we have seen and are seeing happening in America. I am sure we are also aware that whilst it has reached a flash point in America, racism in its many guises and effects is not a purely American issue, nor alas is it a new issue. The Book Club is supporting the Über Moms Pause for a Cause Black Lives Matter…”
Jordan and Laura have both written so eloquently on and around the subjects of racism, white privilege, and being a true ally, not just non-racist but anti-racist, please consider reading their articles!
If you will permit me, I would like to add my two penneth. It isn’t meant to preach, lead, or harang, and goodness knows I know I am not perfect and have a long way to go to be a true ally. But I do believe that we, white people with our white privilege, need to continually ask ourselves if we are doing our best, and if we aren’t, how do we do better. I know that a lot of people reading this will be in a very different situation and place to me in this process, and that is natural and personal to you. “White Fragility” is going to be a book I will learn from, but it isn’t always going to be a learning experience that gives me much comfort— but it is a true must read.
Now, some will have read this last paragraph and feel there are too many personal pronouns there, and in some ways I would agree. The events we have been watching unfold, first in America and then spreading to Europe and beyond, are not about me, or white people; they are about people of colour saying, again, that enough is enough. People, who to our shame are still having to fight, protest, demand equality! Equality is a right, not something for someone to give; it should just be… but it hasn’t been. Can we together make this the moment a movement for real change? Yes, but for real change to happen it is going to take white people to stop, listen and change. A lot of us will have to take a long hard look at ourselves and honestly confront our white privilege. Not just once, not just over a week or month, but every single day. It is not a comfortable experience, and sometimes it may feel like the rug has been pulled from under us. We will be forced to question so many elements of our lives that we perhaps haven’t before. But this is a process we have to go through to enable us to be true allies and start to make a real difference. My last thought, or rather on here (I have so many more!), is that whilst the flashpoint came from America, it is not a purely American problem; it is not something that non-Americans can sit back and watch. You only have to look to the UK to realise how much there is to change there as well.
In short: please join us to read White Fragility. If you have already read it, let me encourage you to please reread it. Please join us (via Zoom) on 9th July, 8pm, to discuss it. As an exception, due to the importance of the topic, this meeting is open to all women, including non-members. It will be a positive, open discussion and will have Über Moms from around the world taking part. It will also be a discussion that takes place with mutual respect. To facilitate what we hope will be a good turnout, we will break into smaller groups for some of the meeting, but will come together at the end to summarise our discussions. The meeting is open to any woman (not just members!) who has read the book and wants to come and discuss it.
Book Club Reads
Time flies when you are having fun, or as it happens, in lockdown. We have already read three books as a club, so it is probably time to give some potted highlights of our thoughts on them. I will try really hard to not give any plot twists or too much of the story away, as there is not one of these books that I would not recommend you read.
Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens
We read Crawdads, as we affectionately came to call it, back in April. It is Delia Owens’ debut novel and follows the life of Kya as she grows up, fighting against the odds on the edge of a North Carolina marsh. The blurb on the back of the book says that it is “at once an exquisite ode to the natural world, a heartbreaking coming of age story, and a surprising tale of possible murder,” and you know what, it really is. We were divided as to whether we found the book easy to get into, but we were in agreement that once we were drawn in, it had us till the end.
There were elements within the book that served to make the environment and situation feel alien and foreign even to many of the Americans in our group. There were a number of themes running through the novel, and we agreed that they weren’t all easy to face as mums, and the start of the lockdown seemed to make it all the more raw to us. Some themes we chose to discuss were isolation, socialisation, survival, and the idea of the victim. Following a lively and comprehensive discussion, we concluded that it was a book we would recommend to others to read. We also agreed that it was one of those books that you find yourself thinking about a while after you read the last page.
Lovie: The Story of a Southern Midwife and an Unlikely Friendship by Lisa Yarger
In May we were lucky enough to be joined by the author of the book we had read. Lisa kindly agreed to lead our discussion and patiently answered the many questions we had. Lovie is a non-fiction book that is part biography of a midwife working in North Carolina through the latter half of the twentieth century, and part the story of a unique friendship between an author and her subject. It was an eye-opening read, particularly for people not familiar with prenatal care provision in America, but the relationship between Lovie and Lisa was also fascinating to witness. We all agreed how much we had enjoyed reading it, and it was wonderful to understand a bit more the process that Lisa went through in writing it. The turnout for the meeting was phenomenal and indicative of how much it was enjoyed. It was also nice in the middle of the lockdown to be able to support a local author and local business– the Munich Readery.
The Beekeeper of Aleppo by Christy Lefteri
June, and we were transported to the story of Nuri and Afra, a Syrian beekeeper and his wife. We followed them as they went from beekeeper and artist to refugees endeavouring to get to Britain, and hopefully a new life. A number of us described ourselves as having devoured the book, but, of all the books we have read, this probably evoked the strongest emotional reaction from us all and the topic, again, made it not necessarily an easy read.
We wondered if at times the author could have given a more detailed description of some of the places, particularly at the start when they were in Aleppo. We also discussed (but came to no real conclusions about) the use of language. Was it a deliberate ploy of the author to use what on occasion felt like quite glossy, simple, romantic language; did it smooth the story and allow her to concentrate on how she wanted to unfold the story to us? Or did it detract from the story and could it have been handled differently?
This was another book with a number of themes running through it. It was interesting and illuminating to be able to talk about them with others. To hear when they first noticed them, their reader’s journey through the book. It really was a lovely evening’s discussion of a book, and we welcomed three new women to our meeting as well.
Have you read any of the books we have covered so far? If you have and would like to let us know what you thought about them, I would love to hear from you. And if you would like to join our book club it really couldn’t be simpler. Be or become an Über Moms member and read the book! Then sign up on teamup and come to the meeting ready to share your experiences of the book and enjoy an open discussion with other women.