By Brenna Fritz, MS
Having open conversations about the existence and prevalence of mental health issues is necessary work towards breaking down dangerous stigmas around mental health. As a therapist, mental health awareness is of great importance to me. The severity of the stigmas around mental health and emotionality has interested me in my clinical work, particularly with women.
The term “hysteria” comes from the Greek word hysterikos, through the Latin word hystericus meaning “of the womb.” This interesting etymology also reveals that ancient medicine would blame essentially any issues or unpleasant things about women on their uterus and gingerly label it hysteria. These concepts evolved over time but carried through even to Freud and beyond in psychological spheres. When considering that there is a vivid history faulting and blaming women’s bodies for behavioral and emotional distress, it’s not surprising to be able to draw comparisons from these ancient stigmas even in 2021.
It’s not uncommon to have heard things like ‘calm down,’ ‘you’re overreacting’ or being told you are ‘too emotional.’ These phrases are not exclusively saved for women but bear a different weight considering the history of women’s mental health and the narrative of the ‘hysterical woman’. Whether it is society, family, bosses or partners, women experience a disproportionate amount of gaslighting. Gaslighting is a term that describes a kind of psychological manipulation aimed at making someone doubt their own sanity, memory, perception or judgment. In other words, gaslighting is convincing someone that their intuition or experiences are somehow invalid. Perhaps not every situation warrants a term like gaslighting, though the concept of gaslighting applies very well to the example statements I offered earlier. Those small examples also serve to represent a much larger and systemic attitude towards women’s emotional experiences.
What, unfortunately, can happen with repeated instances of gaslighting is a loss of trust in oneself. For example, if a partner is constantly invalidating the emotional experiences of their partner by saying things like ‘you’re so emotional; you’re overreacting,’ over time they may start to believe these invalidations and lose trust in their intuitive responses to situations. As a stronger mistrust and disconnect forms between us as women and our powerful, intuitive emotional selves, we can end up feeling very lost as we have lost faith in our most basic compass.
Let's talk about that basic compass that we all have: our intuition. It’s that part of you that gives you a pit in your stomach when a situation or person feels unsafe. It is there to keep us and the people we care about safe. Consider some of the unconscious choices you make: to cross a street at night, or leave a place that feels off. Our intuition is what tells us when something is wrong or doesn’t feel right. Our intuition is what gives us good feelings about people and helps us to navigate trust in an almost imperceptible way. Intuition, inner voice, gut feelings—all of these terms speak to the same phenomena: our ability to make decisions based on internal and external cues almost outside of consciousness, but rather by instinct. Intuition is often accompanied by or communicates through emotions. For example, if something feels unsafe we feel scared, if something feels unjust, we feel angry or frustrated, and if we feel warm and welcome, we feel safe, happy and relaxed.
Now imagine that when you felt angry, upset or scared, your emotions were repeatedly met with dismissal and invalidation, or gaslighting. This pattern would eventually wear down on the inherent trust we have in our instincts and cause us to question ourselves. I often see women coming to therapy seeking to repair their tendencies to overreact or be overly emotional. One of my favorite ways to watch women heal is to see them repair the relationship with their own inner voice. Once this is strengthened and empowered again, I see women gain a restored faith in their ability to discern situations for themselves, and with confidence that will not as easily falter to outside pressures. It is here that women begin to recognize they are not overreacting, they are not being too emotional, too sensitive or too dramatic, but rather they have been taught to silence those parts of themselves and shame their emotions away. Whether the gaslighting comes from an individual or a larger stigma in society, the damage of this invalidation runs deep and takes time to repair. Though the repair can be a challenging process of unlearning, questioning and building trust in oneself, it is a worthy and important journey.
We can start strengthening the relationship between us and our intuition by challenging the stigmas and trusting our emotions. It is important to create space to honor our emotions. They come to us for a reason and they come to us with information. The more trust and faith we build in that relationship with our intuition, the more we can advocate for ourselves and give necessary space and voice to honor our emotions. Instead of questioning the validity of what you are feeling, try instead asking yourself what your intuition might be trying to communicate with you. Try sitting with your emotions and honoring them with space to feel and a voice to be heard when needed. Nourish your intuition by trusting it and validating your own experiences of judgment and emotionality.
Women are so often stigmatized or gaslighted for being overly emotional, that they learn to stop listening and give space to their emotions. This can often stop women from giving proper attention to potential mental health concerns. With even intense emotions being invalidated or mistrusted, major mental health issues can be ignored or missed. I encourage you to take a moment to consult with your inner voice, your gut instincts and decipher the emotions brought forth. I encourage you to value and honor those emotions and use them as trusted information and guidance.
If you find that you are suffering in your mental health, you are not alone and your experience is valid and important. Trust in your experience and move forward in a way that honors that. Seek the comfort and support you have available and look towards professional help if you are finding that the state of your mental health is impacting your life. If you are seeking peace, healing, empowerment or self-acceptance, therapy might be a great step. If things are feeling more severe or dire, please do not hesitate to reach a mental health professional. Support the conversation and importance of mental health awareness by participating in caring for your own mental health and trusting in your own emotional experiences.
Brenna Fritz, MS
Brenna has a Master's Degree in Professional Counseling from Carlow University in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and is currently working as a therapist here in Munich. She has experience from the US working with diverse populations in non-profit organizations, private practice settings and in the county jail. Brenna practiced both individual and couples therapy in a non-profit organization in Pittsburgh specifically geared to provide resources to new moms. Brenna cultivates a safe, supportive space for clients that is free of judgment in order to promote healing, peace, self-acceptance and empowerment.
Find her here.