By Celina Criss
The Couple That Plays Together Stays Together
In life, it is important that we do those things that feed our joy and nurture our spirits. It makes us happy and fun to be around, right? It is also important to tend to the well-being of our relationships, spending time together and communicating. What if it were possible to do both at the same time?
Hobbies reflect our passion. When we do them, we light up. We feel energized, capable, skilled, positive, and fulfilled. Mistakes or stress are manageable and temporary. Our happiness radiates and we feel alive. This energy is ridiculously attractive, even magnetic. Ever found yourself enraptured in a conversation about thermodynamics? Were you talking to a scientist? I rest my case.
Hobbies are not only a terrific way to feel good on our own, they provide a perfect forum to meet new friends or find potential romantic partners. Guess who you’ll meet at a ballroom dance party: other dancers! At a sailing club, hiking club, or cooking class? Yep, people who like to do those things, too. Ideal conditions for new relationships, friendly and otherwise, to take root and bloom.
Allowing our light to shine
You can channel this positive energy into your relationships. Something like journaling or sewing may be a solitary activity in the moment, but if you allow the restorative peace, creativity, and happiness you feel to continue to flow during and after this activity, you’re more approachable and welcoming to those who want to be near you (your partner, for example).
Channeling any stress you’re feeling into your hobby can be a powerful way to diffuse it and prepare yourself to address the cause with a clear head and peaceful mind. Sports are excellent for this. Know what doesn’t care if you’re striking with all your might? A punching bag, the water during laps, or the ground you’re pounding during a run. Go ahead, let it all out!
Shared hobbies are a wonderful way for couples to nurture their bond. Date night doesn’t have to mean dinner and a movie (unless that’s your thing). It could also be cooking together or dancing the night away. Hobbies can also be an easy and natural way to connect every day: morning yoga together, shared reading time, or playing a game in the evening. Almost any game can be made sexy—strip monopoly? Just an idea.
Some couples relate to their sex lives almost as a hobby, though I don’t think anyone would call it that. For example, people who identify as kinky typically invest a lot of time and energy into developing their skill sets and toy collection. Some build furniture and design their own toys (check out my next Mischief Makers if you’re curious). For them, running errands at IKEA or Baumarkt can double as flirtatious sexy times!
On the flip side, when a couple has been struggling through a rough patch, a hobby can be a means to find each other again. Revisiting a shared passion can reignite happy feelings and be a “safe” way to start communicating again. Learning a new skill together can help forge a fresh bond.
No matter how you approach your hobbies, or what they are, the opportunity for renewal, fun, playfulness, and togetherness is valuable. So do what makes you happy and spread the love!
Celina Criss is a Certified Sex Coach credentialed by Sex Coach U (SCU) and the World Association of Sex Coaches (WASC). She holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as degrees in Art History and Classical Civilizations from the University of Michigan. She is fascinated by the history of sex and sexology, and is delighted every time she learns about a new sex practice.
A former elementary school teacher and inclusive learning specialist, Celina brings a sense of playfulness and curiosity to her work as a sex educator. She believes that sexual expression and well-being are our birthright, and encourages clients to explore their fantasies and desires at their own pace.
Originally from the San Francisco Bay Area, Celina lives in Munich, Germany, together with her partner and their children. She favors the Oxford comma and coffee, is powered by cookies, and is known for her giggle, which is regularly described as cute and sparkly by those who enjoy it. Determined to have it all, she pursues a balance of family, career, and sexual freedom everyday.PAGE_BREAK: PageBreak